


a change of heart

by loveinamaltshop



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Did you come in here to find happiness?, Ficlet, Friends With Benefits, M/M, Not In My House, Unrequited Love, pining connor, tiny angsty thing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-25
Updated: 2017-08-25
Packaged: 2018-12-19 14:48:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11899983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loveinamaltshop/pseuds/loveinamaltshop
Summary: "Please, don't leave."It was never supposed to go this far.





	a change of heart

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Catherines_Collections](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Catherines_Collections/gifts).



> For Catherines_Collections, with whom I've established a sadomasochistic relationship in fic form with. Based on a prompt meme she sent my way.

“ _Please, don’t leave._ ”

Connor’s voice is soft, almost inaudible where Evan’s slipping his clothes back on.

Evan turns, and as if his fears confirmed, Connor’s eyes are staring right at him, unwavering and the other boy is still too bare. Too vulnerable, too pale that the marks of hours earlier are there, harsh and purple and too bright for Evan to ignore. He shakes off these thoughts, staring down and focusing on doing his belt. His mom expected him home _hours_ ago. He could already hear her going _this isn’t like you, Evan. I really thought you’d at least text or call before you went out—_

“You’re all I have.”

It’s weaker and it terrifies Evan. The sincerity of it. Because maybe Connor’s the first person that’s made him feel like the world was in color, to make him feel electric but not in the scary way he’s too used to, and to ever look at him _that_ way, that makes Evan truly hurt. It’s uncharacteristic on Connor, to soften around the edges and look at him like that when it doesn’t mean anything.

When all of it wasn’t supposed to mean anything.

A quiet agreement in the computer lab months ago of pretending to be friends, to quieter decisions in an empty house of secrecy and giving in. He musters any courage he can find and looks over his shoulder, but stares right at the foot of the bed.

“You know I’m not, Connor,” he says, finally.

Connor doesn’t say anything more when Evan starts looking around for his shirt. He runs a hand through his hair, squinting at the dark.

Evan hears a sharp inhale when he feels Connor’s eyes follow him. Evan notices he doesn’t move at all. His head is screaming at him to just hurry and _leave_ because it had already gone too far. It’s already gone too far the second Connor had said—

“I love you.”

It’s louder, brasher, _angrier_ almost. It makes Evan flinch, but also move quicker until he finally finds his shirt.

“Fuckin’ hell, Hansen, do you even _care_?” comes high and desperate, a sob tight in the other boy’s throat.

“I do, okay, I _do_!” Evan ends up yelling, only to close his eyes and breathe because he has to remember the Murphys are definitely home and asleep and he just wanted to do this as quietly and painlessly as possible “But you just... did you _have_ to?”

Connor’s eyes shift to rage, looking like Evan walked up to him and slapped him across the face. “What, fall for you? I don’t know, Evan, did you have to be such a fucking asshole?” Connor grits through his teeth, glaring still “When someone says that kind of shit, you don’t get up and leave.”

In nothing but his boxers and a blanket in his too-big bed, hair mussed in tangles, Connor actually looks his age, maybe even younger. His eyes are burning against Evan’s hopeless gaze that finally meets him. There’s the tiniest hint of a quiver in his jaw.

“I’ll talk to you on Monday.” Evan stammers, inhaling sharply when he hears his voice shake, pulling his shirt on and grabbing his phone from where it sat on Connor’s dresser.

He pretends he doesn’t hear the pillow-muffled screaming when he reaches the door. He ignores the sobbing barely audible when he reaches the end of the hallway.

Evan doesn’t return to the Murphy house. Come Monday, Evan hides in the boy’s bathroom every moment he’s not in class. Connor shoves him against a locker on Tuesday, a sneer on his face. Whispers surround them, whispers of _freak_ and _loser_ aimed at either of them. Evan feels a pain where a padlock must have scuffed his back and he thinks, fair game. It’s easier this way.

It’s how it should be.

**Author's Note:**

> Leave a comment or kudos if you enjoyed this! Hit me up on tumblr at [starkerpeter](https://starkerpeter.tumblr.com/) too!


End file.
